If you’d have told me back in 1984 if one of my heroes would turn into a metrosexual…

I would have told you you were crazy.  Of course, there were no such people as “metrosexuals” back then.  They existed, of course, but not in name.  We probably just called ’em pretty boys or something.

One of my teen idols was the lion-maned, kung fu kickin’, six-pack-wieldin’, hairy-chested front man of Van Halen, David Lee Roth.  At the time, to me he seemed like a guy’s guy.  He hiked through the Amazon, climbed mountains, played with swords, had loads of women, etc.  Something, oddly, that stood out about his appearance was his hairy chest.  It’s not that it was that important of a feature, but 90% of the photos taken of him back in Van Halen’s heyday were of him shirtless.  It was hard to miss.

Apparently times have changed.  Even guys whose hairy torsos used to be their “money makers” have decided to go hairless.  Men don’t want to look like men anymore.  Diamond Dave, like a lot of younger guys, is ashamed of his God-given body hair.  Maybe he wants to look younger.  Knowing his humongous ego, he probably wants all of us to see that he still has a six pack even approaching 60.

Now that I think about it, I can’t imagine why I ever thought DLR was a manly man.  He bleached his hair, wore spandex, wore bikini bottoms under and over said spandex (depending on the look he was going for) and sat cross-legged and pouted-lip with a come hither look one would expect to see on Jayne Mansfield.  I guess DLR has always been flamboyant (though undoubtedly straight.)

Now that I’m old enough to have the chest hair I wanted way back then, I’m keeping mine.  You’ll not shave or wax me.